So, today someone who I see seldomly tells me "I really don't think this thing (adoption I'm assuming) is the best idea for you". And he goes on to say " you are in a comfortable place and happy...why do you want to disrupt all that with possible heartache". This from someone I HAD respected as an intelligent person.
I have also had other comments- not as negative but none the less unkind. Comments such as why do you want to adopt now when youv'e done your time(raising kids)?, Have you REALLY thought about this?, Do you have any idea what you are getting into? , Do you think you will have enough energy for 2 kids?
OK, people I get it. And this is what I get...they make these comments under the guise of well meaning concern and may actually believe they have my best interests at heart. Those however, who make comments like that are uninformed, narrow-minded, rude, and don't know me at all! Thank God for so many others who are behind me 100% and are always supportive and concerned; concerned that we are not getting too stressed out over the long wait we have experienced so far; concerned because I have not taken any time off in the last year for me.
Thank- you, Thank-you, Thank-you to all of you who fit into this group. And yes, thank-you to the previous group who instead of causing me to reconsider "what I"m doing" help solidify my belief that we are indeed doing exacltly the right thing, that God has led us to this point in our lives, and that are hearts and souls are overjoyed and excited that we have been chosen to nurture and grow these young hearts and minds. It is our privilage to do it and the best gift we could recieve.
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11 comments:
I can't read your text color.
Hi Kari,
Well, I GET IT and I am right there with you. Sometimes it seems as though people will make a comment, just to say something (when silence would have been so much better).
I'm finding that some just don't 'get' the God piece of this whole process.
This is a loooooooong journey (the waiting I mean). So, we've had looooooots of time to think and pray and think and pray. In my opinion, you're either with us or against us. This is where we're going, so support us, or move outta the way!!! :0
Hang in there hun!
MaryAnn
Oh lord. It's only the beginning of the insensitive, ignorant remarks. :) You just have to remember the we are always here and totally get you!! When it comes from family, it is the worst.
hey girl..
hang in there and I KNOW...we've gotten them too... from family as well... urg!!!
makes me so upset when I let it..
be encouraged today and KNOW that we all get it!!! Your adoption support group online get it!!!!
Praying for you to be encouraged today!!! Glad you liked our bare feet... sometimes when I read back through my blog... I think we sound like such hicks... ha ha..
well, I guess we probably are.. but, I don't like to think of us like that... hee hee...
We love the country... and live on the farm I grew up on... It's awesome... and barefoot is the best!!!
As Kim said, the rude, insensitive comments- well, it is only the beginning. People are ignorant, rude, and more often than not lacking in the filter department. Regardless of your situation, people always feel the need to judge and comment. Like you said, I don't think they realize just how hurtful it is. Especially, when it is someone close to you. Stay strong, and follow your heart.
And know that we're all here to support you.
i'm sorry you are feeling discouraged. i, too, have been on your end. know that there are A LOT of people who believe in you and understand what you are going through. stay strong and remember that you are doing a wonderful thing...no matter what other people say!!
Kari,
We live in Michigan and are also adopting from Kaz. We are using AA and FAC. Our dossier has been at AA since the end of Jan. We are waiting "patiently". LOL! We also have 3 grown children and it's almost impossible to explain to people the call that God has placed on our hearts. In what town in Kaz is your daughter? Be encouraged, the wait to have her in your arms is almost over!
Kari, I'm sorry you have to deal with that too. I guess everyone(well not everyone..just a choice few) don't get it! Even Greg gets comments too! I know now that there are some people who don't see the big picture like we do. They only see a small portion of what we are setting out to do. Know that you have several of us who not only understand, but believe just like you do. Our babies are out there, and in God's time well get them! Hugs!
Good for you! Well said. I've often thought that the adoption community is one of the biggest blessings in my life. When things get rough with the insensitive comments, the thoughtlessness, the frustrations, I always know I have a great group of people I can turn to who truly "get it" and understand. (Family and friends are wonderful too most of the time, but there are times, even though they are supportive, when they just don't "get it" in some cases.) Keep pushing on!
Kari, listen we got those comments too. Here is the good news everyone of those friends who made the well intended but insensitive comments ended up being really positive and excited for us. I think once they saw we were ok and Nina was ok they relaxed and were just happy for us-just as with any new baby homecoming.
Beyond that there wil always be people who will make rude comments and you have to ask yourself do I want a life of being upset by others? Can I change the person's point of view/teach them anything? Is getting angry/frustrated/upset about the comment good for me or my child? If the answer is no then CHOOSE to not be insulted.
Adoption isn't for everyone. If you know it is for you than that is enough. The opinions of uneducated, insensitive or irrelevant people should not be given enough credibility to make you feel upset.
I know it sounds hard but I am learning the oppotunities to be insulted by ignorant and hurtful comments are neverending. I did a good thing in adopting Nina, I'm not going to let others take anything away from that. I am going to take all the engery I might otherwise give to defending my choice or venting my frustration and put it into loving my baby. What little emotional energy I might give these people is something like pity-pity that they are missing out on the beauty of the adoption experience.
I'm so sorry for you! But I totally understand what you're sayoing. I'm a single mom who adopted from Kaz and am returning for my second child. Yep, I've gotten some of those comments too. It seems like I'm always too stunned at the speaker's insincerety, rudeness or arrogance to come up with a quick retort. Then later, I just blow it off by thinking of the tons of friends and family who do support me...and how much more they mean to me. Take care, and I wish you all of the best! Susan
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